Living without a life: remedying regret with action


Focus on what really matters - don't let yourself become old and wistful

The New York Times recently had an article which discussed the findings of various studies at the Columbia U (.pdf)  which looked into hyperopia, which when used in this context, means excessive farsightedness.

The study examined the commonly held belief  that choosing vices generates regret.

In other words, the study wanted to look into whether or not those who carefully avoid short-term indulgances, such as impulse-buying, suffer any regret from their hyperopia.  Do some people look too far ahead to enjoy the present, and experience a type of remorse?

This is very cool stuff.

To further explain hyperopia – in one study, the authors quizzed university students after their winter holidays if they wished that they had spent more time studying or partying over the break.  In most cases, the students, faced with the despair of upcoming exams, said studying. But when they contemplated their break a year later, regrets about not studying more and not partying more were closly matched.  And when the researchers asked an alumni group at their 40th reunion, regrets about not partying enough won in a landslide!  The study found that regrets about not indulging over the winter break increase with time, but regrets about not working, not studying, and not saving decrease with time.

Sounds awfully obvious doesn’t it?  As with all really good social science studies, immediately you can think back to yourself and how you live.  The old adage that no one thinks ‘I should have worked harder’ when they consider their life is a big clue. Already, as a very recent graduate, I’m thinking back to times where maybe I could have loosened up at times and enjoyed myself more than hitting the books.

Being frugal – a regret?

The NYT article focuses particularly  money and classifies this as a type of saver’s remorse (instead of buyer’s remorse).   This is really interesting for our current economic climate.  Being frugal is the new black.  Personal finance whizz kids and commentators Dave Ramsey, Paul Clithero (Australia) and the rest love to talk about frugality.  And of course, reducing waste, cutting expensive habits, and money management are all terrific ideas. But have they ever considered growing up to be a yearning, wistful old person with no pleasures?

With this knowledge, perhaps we can now anticipate long-term regrets, and learn to live in the present a little more.  Sure, you’ll end up spending more, and I’m not suggesting that this is a good thing all the time – but what would life be without enjoying an indulgance?

For me, with this understanding, I’ll think about paying a little more for better seats at the next Formula 1 race.  When I go on a holiday, I’ll think about getting a nicer room in a hotel, or taking an extra few days to do some trekking or to see the sights, and not worry about spending a little more to make it more exciting. 

I’ll be trying to understand where I can spend my money to make things more memorable and enjoy myself, rather than focusing on the short term damage to the hip-pocket.

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  1. #1 by Jared on April 23, 2009 - 1:21 pm

    Great article, and timely too. I was recently married and my wife and I LOVE to travel. We like sunny places and SCUBA diving. We’ve both been in several relationships before and have been through some pretty dramatic things in our lives. When we met, we both realized we’d always wanted to SCUBA dive, so we were like, “lets just do it already.”

    I’m getting ready to graduate and start paying off all my undergrad and grad school loans… yikes! BUT, we still plan on traveling at least every six months. We’ve talked about putting more towards retirement and savings… but in the end, we realize we should have fun and travel while we can.

    We put a certain amount aside each week into a trip savings account. Then after 6 months we have enough to travel to someplace sunny! (we live in MO USA so not too many places to dive here) We’re also becoming more frugal in other areas of our lives (eating out, cars) so we can afford to travel.

    My goal is not to be the richest man in the cemetery. I find richness in relationships and doing things with someone special.

    • #2 by Tristan Rayner on April 23, 2009 - 2:05 pm

      Thanks for the comment Jared – and congrats on your marriage btw!

      I think you have a great plan for travel every 6 months. That’s exactly the sort of thing that the study talks about. When looking back at your life you probably won’t say “Gee, I wish I paid off that loan a little earlier…”. You’ll definitely be checking out the photos of when you were diving and reminiscing about living (and possibly also looking at when you still had hair). You’re also being frugal in exactly the right ways. Love the comment about being the richest man in the cemetery too – very true.

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